Friday, September 19, 2014

Old Values Revived

While sharing ice cream and conversation with my son yesterday, he was telling me about an interesting trend in the real estate market.  He and his wife have been thinking of selling their home and buying another with more room for their family.  He said that some of the newer houses they had looked at came with a ground floor "Mother-In-Law" apartment, specifically designed for use by aging parents who, like many elderly, have trouble negotiating the stairs in a traditional second floor or basement apartment.

We hear quite often about the trend of adult children moving in with their parents during a financial crisis such as job loss or the inability of college graduates to secure employment in their chosen field.  But I have to admit I had not thought about  the reverse situation - of aging parents living with their adult children.  I had forgotten about occurrences within my own family.

Years ago it was unthinkable for a family to shuttle Mom or Dad off to a home for the aged.  My Great-Grandfather, after the death of his wife, spent half the year with my Grandfather's family and the other half with his daughter's family.  One of my Dad's brothers stayed on the farm and cared for his widowed mother until her death.  He was over 50 years old before he married and left the farm.  He did this by choice, out of love for his mother and a sense of family duty.

My other Grandmother lived for a time in an apartment in my parent's home.  I remember how I loved to be able to see her whenever I wanted and to be able to bring my young children to to spend time with her.  My brother, who was a young boy at the time, recalls hours spent with our Grandmother, many of them over games of checkers.  Some of his best memories are of time with Grandma.

I understand the need for nursing homes.  Both of my parents lived in a nursing home in their last years due to medical issues that could not be taken care of in a home environment.  But for those older folks who are still able to care for themselves, this ground floor apartment trend is a good one, I think.  It offers privacy for both generations.  And it offers access to family and the opportunity to spend precious time with grandchildren - something that is becoming a rare thing in our too busy world.  It is reminiscent of the old values, where family cared for family and that is a good thing.  And I am all for reviving some of the old values and traditions.

That being said, do not panic, my children.  I have no intention of moving in with any of you - yet.

12 comments:

  1. You may have no intention of moving in with them yet, but it's very telling of how special a mother you have been and are that the topic even comes up.

    And that they are considering selling their home and getting one with a spot for you - if, and when, you take them up on the offer. Wow! You have brought up your kids correctly. Fantastic!

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  2. My grandma moving in with my Aunt, helped her pay off her home loan. It was win win for both of them. I know you like to be independent, but some thing to think about.

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  3. Dani...Oh, I don't know as they are looking to buy anything with the attached apartment, but I did find it an interesting concept. For whatever reasons, we live in a world that seems so busy that we rarely take the time to just be with family any more. David seems to be the glue that holds our family together, for he is usually the one who plans family get-togethers. In this ever changing (and not for the better) world, family is the most important thing there is, whether we live in the same house or not.

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  4. Rob...I know that eventually I will have to make other arrangements, but for now I value my privacy and independence, such as it is. The main thing for me is staying in touch with my family and spending time with them whenever possible.

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  5. I'm glad you have that option; and I'm a little envious of your family that holds your well-being in such high regard.

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  6. Jess...I am lucky to have come from a long line of people who believed that family should be there for one another. But then, I haven't tested the theory yet by announcing that I will move in with one of my kids. (big grin)

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  7. The younger generation has no idea what they and their kids are missing out on by keeping "the old folks" at a distance.

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  8. Gorges...I never knew my Grandfathers for both died fairly young. But I adored my Grandmothers. Grandparents, especially those who are retired, have the time to spend with their grandchildren. I think we often learn from them as much as they learn from us.

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  9. But HOW NICE that you would be WELCOMED. Yes, in the old days, generations lived under one roof and it was unheard of to "put mom away". These in-law suites are a wonderful idea.

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  10. Dana...I think it is a wonderful concept. Each can have their own privacy and yet be close enough to enjoy family time. David said he knew about the traditional mother-in-law apartments but had never before seen anything like the way these were set up on the ground floor.

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  11. Mom, if we ever did have one of these "multi-generation" homes, and you lived with us it sure would be nice for the kids to have some of grandma's cooking. I might even get you a car so you can shuttle the kids to dance or another activity!
    David

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  12. Son...The cooking I can handle. I can't seem to be able to cook for just one person no matter how hard I try. And Maddie Mae said she wanted to get together so we could "bake something." But I'm afraid you are on your own for the shuffling of kids. You forgot that I did not renew my driver's license this time around.

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